At the risk of sounding stupid, we genuinely thought Amish country would be inexpensive. We came rolling in, thinking “these people don’t even watch Netflix. I’ve been pretending to watch Grace and Frankie for two full years now. We city folk are gonna clean them out of their quilts before they knew what hit them.”
It turns out, hand-stitched, one-of-a-kind pieces of art are expensive. Like really expensive, guys. You’d think someone who would have no qualms spending 16 dollars on "farm-to-table" guacamole, even if it was at an Quizno's (especially if it was at a Quizno's?), would’ve expected this. But we were shocked!
If all of this makes us sound ignorant, it’s because we were fucking ignorant. We’re not ashamed to say we knew little about what goes on in Lancaster County until actually visiting Lancaster County. That’s the point of traveling, buttmunch — to become less ignorant. Now go find a Jezebel article on feline genital mutilation you can tear apart.
Anyway, even from the fabrics alone, you can tell from the unique patterns and painstaking details just how special these textiles are. And, because special = expensive, you can probably guess how many actual quilts we walked away with. It rhymes with hero (which is also something we would order from Quizno's).
We could afford zero quilts. All the same, it was exciting to even see the quilts and fabrics up close.
Amish or Armani? Judging from the price tag, it's pretty damn hard to tell.
The Magic Gardens in Philadelphia is a museum and community arts space created by artist Isaiah Zagar. It was build over many years using recycled materials, found objects, and about a million different colors. Here are a few of them:
Spotted in Columbus, Ohio — this beautiful "wonder bread red."
Spotted in Columbus, Ohio — this bootyful "white bread white."
Our first night in Wyoming was spent at Terry Bison Ranch, a 27,500 acre property with its very own herd of bison.
Here we found a 7 foot statue of a jackalope, a mock jail and a saloon where people smoke in-doors over a full plate of food. Goodbye Southwest — we’re in the Wild West now.
The official credo here is “At the Terry Bison Ranch, Guests, Employees and Animals are #1. This begs the question, who ranks at #2?
At TBR, you can take a 2 hour train tour, a self-guided ATV tour or even a horseback-riding tour to explore the grounds and come face-to-face with a real American bison. Or, if you’re self-obsessed and poor, you can just walk around taking pictures of yourselves like we did.
If you get a hankering for breakfast food / eat breakfast at noon when you’re all to hungry and irritable to even speak to each other, you can do what we did and eat rocky mountain oysters in the saloon. Nothing like putting out a cigarette and finishing your bull testicles.
By the way, if you didn't realize the title of this blog post is a lyric from Will Smith's "Wild, Wild West,"No you don't want nada, None of this, gun in this, brother running this."