Sure, Amish country was beautiful and we had every intention to stop. But before we could get out of the car, Maggie’s phone went belly-up and died like a little bitch. This led to a lot of shouting, plenty of bargaining with God (Amish or not) and a lot of desperate, desperate Google searches.
When this Google search didn’t yield anything, we had to get creative.
Well, shit, this one didn’t yield anything either. You might be surprised to hear this but there are no Apple Genius Bars to be found in Amish Country. And, once Maggie realized this, she was depressed to find out there were no real bars either. Just how was she supposed to deal with her iPhone malfunction depression? By screaming something along the lines of “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND TO THE CLOSEST APPLE STORE, DAMMIT.” That's how.
And that was that. We decided we’d just have to come back to Amish Country in a couple of days once Maggie’s phone was fixed. What’s the point of being in Amish Country if you can’t Instagram it, right? (HATE THIS JOKE, MAKE SOMETHING BETTER CEIL)So we drove an additional four hours to the world-famous New Haven, Connecticut Apple Store. While we waited for those dumbasses from Yale to finish their appointments, we visited the Pez Museum in nearby Orange, Connecticut.
Here are some of the colors we found at this candy-colored oasis inside a bleak Connecticut office park.
ALSO DID YOU KNOW THAT THEY MAKE CHERRY COLA FLAVOR PEZ? ALSO ALSO, DID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU EAT ABOUT 20 OF THEM OFF THE FLOOR WHERE SOME KID SPILLED THEM IT DOESN’T DULL YOUR DEPRESSION AT ALL?
We were in the most beautiful place in South Dakota: The Badlands National Park. It was stunning. Everything was cloaked in a soft yellow light. Deer were prancing around. Honest to God, it was a God-Damn Lana Del Rey music video. Honestly to Lana Del Rey, it was godly. It was hard to take our eyes off of it.
THANK GOD / LANA DEL REY CUZ WE SURE AS SHIT WEREN'T GONNA LOOK AT EACH OTHER.
...See, none of us remembers why now but we were all in a fight. Tess vs. Maggie, Maggie vs. Ceil, Ceil vs. Tess. It came to a fever pitch when we shared an appetizer trio at the local bar right outside the park.
We pretty much ate our microwaved appetizers in silence and, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a T.G.I. Friday's commercial, but that is no fucking way to eat appetizers. Do you know how awful it is to bite into a mozzarella stick that still is frozen in the center and have to silently chew it because you’re friends are being equally as icy?! IT’S TORTURE!
We got back to the camp just in time for the most beautiful sunset we've ever seen.
Jesus! Pop a Midol, Mother Nature! I'm trying to be passive aggressive towards my friends which is really hard to do with such aggressive beauty in my face.
We ended up all separating. I won't say who did what exactly but one of us went for a hike, one of us ran off with some cute Israeli boys with man-buns to listen to music and drink whiskey and one of us wandered around looking for enough cell service to look up if there was an ACTUAL T.G.I Friday's around. (PS: if you're wandering around the Badlands and you see a mirage of a Friday's, is it technically called a CGI Friday's? Can someone get Michael Bay on this? He owes me one. He'll know what I'm talking about).
In all honesty, The Bad Blood National Park was so spectacular and vibrant, it's something everyone should see in their lifetime, no matter how stubborn and pig-headed their loved ones are.
In the end, we all made up and THIS IS NOT A STOCK IMAGE I SWEAR.