Been there, done that.
New Hampshire might be the greatest tourist destination in the continental United States. If you’re an inexperienced traveller, it probably feels like there is just too much to see and do! How could anyone navigate the rollercoaster ride of sea shores, mountain peaks, colonial history and fall foliage that New Hampshire has to offer?
Well rest easy because we at Pantomerica have narrowed it all down into one concise and easy-to-navigate list of the top ten things to do in the Granite State. So whether you love shopping at Goodwill or hanging out at Aunt Diane’s house, we’ve got all your tourism needs covered. Just keep reading and try not to have too much fun!! (pro tip: you’re probably going to have too much fun) (pro pro tip: it will probably be when you get to Aunt Diane’s house)
1. The Goodwill On Lafayette Road In Portsmouth
Don’t be intimidated by this Goodwill because it’s in New Hampshire. It’s just like every other Goodwill, except its in New Hampshire! You will probably be asked to not take pictures inside (or maybe that was just us), but look how much fun we had in the parking lot with a not-so-new blow up cactus! No need to waste your time with Lake Winnipesaukee, theres a whole ocean’s worth of goodies to find here. (Seriously though reserve all flash photography for the parking lot) (Seriously seriously though the parking lot is great take lots of pictures)
2. Aunt Diane's House
Did you come to New Hampshire to see the splendid array of colors found in the fall foliage? Forget about it! Just go to Aunt Diane's house and see the splendid array of colors found in her home decorating skills. Trust us, we have a color blog.
So there you have it. Whether it's the Goodwill on Lafayette Road or Aunt Diane's house, be sure to take in everything New Hampshire has to offer!
First things first, the stones at Yellowstone aren't yellow. The whole park is named after the yellow limestone found more than 100 miles outside the park. As professional color bloggers, it's our professional opinion that this is, as we say, "fucking bullshit." (That's an industry term. Sorry if it gets confusing when we "talk shop." We'll try to keep it simple).
Upon finding out that no stones would be yellow, Maggie killed herself a couple of times and insisted we do a whole "Tuesday's With Morrie" schtick. She meant to say "Weekend At Bernie's" and was greatly confused when Ceil started speaking to her like the dying professor in Mitch Albom's novel.
We'd also like to mention that "Tuesdays With Morrie" is the worst book ever written or, in professional terminology, "emotional sewer swill." (There we go talking' shop again. Our bad!)
I guess there were some other pretty cool things to see in Yellowstone apart from fabled yellow limestone. Mostly, 3,468 square miles of pristine American beauty.
The geysers are perhaps Yellowstone’s most surprising and stunning feature. They appear prismatic and range from orange, yellow, green to blue. What creates their orange and green colors are living, pigmented microbes. The blue is refracted sunlight. The whole combination looks like Mother Nature’s mood ring (that bitch knows how to accessorize). It’s kind of amazing how many magic tricks nature has for you to see once you put down your shitty Mitch Albom novel!
One last gift from Moody Mother Nature? The bison. We were too Tumblr-obssessed / self-obsessed (same thing, no?) to come face to face with real bison at the bison ranch we paid to stay at so we thought we missed our chance entirely. Well look who we found:
On a personal Bucket-List level, this was phenomenol. On a color-blog level, this was a dull shitty brown (last time we speak so technically, I swear). Come on, Bison, do your part.
You know what we say to this bison?
“Accept who you are and revel in it”.
-From Snoozedays With Snorrie by Bitch Albom
What a welcome we got once we crossed the border into New Mexico. Look at this roadside chapel we happened upon.
Look how saucy St. Francis looks in a Color 24 lei! According to this Huffington Post article, “well-balanced individuals tend to wear green.” Umm, yah, no shit, Captain Obvious / Arianna Huffington. Despite the whole talking-to-birds thing, we already knew that St. Francis of Asissi was a pretty well-balanced guy.
But, according to this Oriental Trading catalog, wearing a lei means you’re ready to “have fun in the sun.” Now this we didn’t know about Sainty Franny! Thank you, per usual, for the cutting-edge news, Oriental Trading.
Also, you can buy a St. Francis statue on the Oriental Trading website! Check it out here or get a fucking life instead!
Okay, check out the rest of the chapel pics.
The Vigil Family's chapel was such a surprising find and charming and gracious gift to their community.
I would write more about it, but I’m a little busy spiraling down an Oriental Trading k-hole right now. Is it a little too “she’s-gonna-die-alone” to buy carnival tickets to have just in case?
And how many of these “Bright Dollar Sign Glasses” can I own before people start to catch on to the fact that, despite what my eyewear says, I live paycheck-to-paycheck?
If you ever find yourself driving down New Mexico State Road 14, there are two things you need to know:
1. The locals call it the turquoise trail so seriously, guys, be cool. Don’t be all uncool. (Ceil wants to say “if you’re too green to know it’s Turquoise, you’ll make me blue.” Get it? Color blog?)
2. You absolutely HAVE to stop at the Tinkertown Museum.
The Tinkertown Museum is a collection of the 40 years worth of wood carvings, circus relics and kitschy coin machines made by artist Ross Ward. Oh, and, guys, it was featured on MTV.
Remember on MTV Cribs when a celeb like Busta Rhymes or Xzibit would show us their king-size bed and say something like “here’s where the magic happens?” Well, Tinkertown is where the real magic happens. It proves once and for all that Xzibit didn’t know what the BLEEP he was talking about (Parental Advisory: Explicit Content all up in this mutha-bleepin’ blog!).
Anyway, more about the Tinkertown Xzibit…
Inside the Tinkertown museum, you can feed quarter-machines that will then play music, predict your future or set off some vibrant Appalachian scene.
There’s something to look at in every bleeping corner of the Tinkertown Museum. The walls are made from salvaged glass bottles (looks like Ross Ward knew how to party. Where’s his MTV Cribs episode?).
Plus, one of the most charming parts of Tinkertown is all of the signs. Their tone matches the kitschy atmosphere of the whole exhibit (Xzibit) but also adds a moody flair that most teenagers would kill to have.
PS: Did you guys know that there was an entire MTV series called “MTV’s Teen Cribs?” Couldn’t you totally see an emo kid screaming that quote about the undertaker to his mom and telling her to “stay the hell out” of his room because that’s where the magic happens? Even though the magic could never happen there unless he’s talking specifically about Magic: The Gathering?