PANTOMERICA

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Color 21

Gossip from New Vrindaban

Color 1, Color 20, Color 60, Color 36, Color 21Maggie OwensComment

Tucked away in the hills of West Virginia, we found New Vrindaban — a spiritual site for the Hare Krishna community. Nearly reaching Willy-Wonkian proportions, the grounds included a man-made body of water, gargantuan statues, an award-winning rose garden and a golden palace that would make even Kanye West blush. It was stunning (and honestly unexpected for something neighboring a town called Moundsville). 

Perhaps the most surprising discovery we found at New Vrindaban came at Prasadam, or the lunch-time food offering. We shared picnic tables with guests and New Vrindaban residents alike and, over a free, vegetarian meal, heard something we truly hadn't expected: gossip.

As three recipients of an all-girls education, we know gossip when we hear it. And the women we shared the picnic table with, who all lived and worked on the New Vrindaban grounds, were most definitely gossiping. They gabbed over sweet potatoes (maybe?) and pea shoots (honestly, the vegetables were mushed to oblivion, but still delicious) about the who's who of New Vrindaban.

We felt restored and in the know. But, much like mushed vegetables, we felt immediately hungry again — hungry for more gossip. Here's what we came up with — our Burn Book (Hare Krishna Edition). 

Rumor has it that the blonde streak in Rachel's hair isn't natural. *Cough Cough* Dye Job *Cough Cough.*

Cool floral crown, Swan. Let me guess — you got the inspiration at Coachella while taking pictures of yourself? Do you even listen to Edward Sharpe — like really listen, I mean? I challenge you to step outside your comfort zone and show some real creativity. Why not turn the tables and wear a dress shaped like Bjork? Do something original!

These two claim to be a dynamic duo, but look at the way they're competing for attention —waving their hands in the air like it's the early 90's. BFFL doesn't stand for Bathing in your Friend's Fucking Limelight. Okay, ladies? 

 "I'm the real star!"

"I'm the real star!"

 "No, I'm the real star!"

"No, I'm the real star!"

 "On Wednesdays, we hold torches!"

"On Wednesdays, we hold torches!"

Actually, these girls were pretty legit. 

Amish or Armani?

Color 7, Color 2, Color 59, Color 45, Color 19, Color 21, Color 23, Color 42, Color 43, Color 44Maggie OwensComment

At the risk of sounding stupid, we genuinely thought Amish country would be inexpensive. We came rolling in, thinking “these people don’t even watch Netflix. I’ve been pretending to watch Grace and Frankie for two full years now. We city folk are gonna clean them out of their quilts before they knew what hit them.” 

It turns out, hand-stitched, one-of-a-kind pieces of art are expensive. Like really expensive, guys. You’d think someone who would have no qualms spending 16 dollars on "farm-to-table" guacamole, even if it was at an Quizno's (especially if it was at a Quizno's?), would’ve expected this. But we were shocked!

If all of this makes us sound ignorant, it’s because we were fucking ignorant. We’re not ashamed to say we knew little about what goes on in Lancaster County until actually visiting Lancaster County. That’s the point of traveling, buttmunch — to become less ignorant. Now go find a Jezebel article on feline genital mutilation you can tear apart. 

Anyway, even from the fabrics alone, you can tell from the unique patterns and painstaking details just how special these textiles are. And, because special = expensive, you can probably guess how many actual quilts we walked away with. It rhymes with hero (which is also something we would order from Quizno's). 

We could afford zero quilts. All the same, it was exciting to even see the quilts and fabrics up close. 

Amish or Armani? Judging from the price tag, it's pretty damn hard to tell. 

Seen And Heard At AnthroCon Day 1

Color 13, Color 19, Color 21, Color 35, Color 37, Color 39Maggie OwensComment

I’d like to say we just happened to stumble on the world’s largest furry convention but no. This is one of the few things (the only thing maybe?) we planned far, far in advance. In fact, when Maggie got the dates wrong, we ended up having to backtrack 590 miles east from Salem, MA to Pittsburgh, PA just to make it on time. Needless to say that our scenic drive through the Poconos was tense and passive-aggressively silent.

From what we thought we knew about furries and what we thought we knew about conventions, we were expecting AnthroCon to be a slutty, debacherous mess. Essentially, we thought it would be a college party bender (there’s an animal house joke here we’re too lazy to make).

To our surprise, AnthroCon was not really about clumsy pick-up lines and full-costume walks of shame the next morning. It wasn't college. Rather, it was a constant ebb and flow of people being cliquey and people being inclusive.  Yep, it was high school.

And if AnthroCon was high school, then we were Drew Barrymore in Never Been Kissed — we were the too old, too uncool-for-school posers flying under the radar to see just what it was like. And here's what we found:

1. There's A Lot Of Love

2. And There's A Lot Of Exclusion

Look at this Arctic creature gazing on to a group that he wishes he could be a part of.  So tragic, so high school.

Or maybe he's just watching the Pittsburgh Panthers game going on in the far distance?

PS: it is so weird knowing that a Panthers game is going on while you're in a convention center with way, way more panthers. 

3. But, Hey, Man, Let Your Freak Flag Fly

donut.jpg

AnthroCon is definitely a time to express yourself. Are you a dog wearing a Pikachu backpack? Or are you more of a tiger wearing an over-sized donut? 

We were all about expressing ourselves in high school but we had a uniform with a fairly strict dress code and inflatable pastries were definitely not within jurisdiction. Such a shame, too, because that's definitely a look we would've rocked.

4. Wait... Are You Guys Gossiping About Me?

Seriously, what are you guys talking about? Is it me? This is all getting a little too high school. Like, come on, guys. Let's act our age (though I'm pretty sure I'm Josie Grosie and I'm 16 years older than you). 

... But I can't really tell how old you are cuz you're wearing fucking furry masks over your face. That could be John C. Reilly under that costume*.

*PLEASE GOD LET IT BE JOHN C. REILLY UNDER THAT COSTUME.

6. In AnthroCon, Like In High School, Fashion Is Key

Look at the style on this guy! You don't get more chic than a vest on a fox. I kind of know what I'm talking about. I was the first girl in my class to wear Uggs. 

6. But, Of Course, There's Gonna Be Some Fashion Faux Paws

Hey Ms. (Mr.?) Thing, I know this is a color blog but wow. If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's orange on yellow on yellow, let it mellow in your closet forever, am I right??? 

Don't worry. Everyone has those fashion mistakes they look back on with shame. I kind of know what I'm talking about. I was the last girl in my class to stop wearing Uggs. 

Also, I actually really like this outfit. I'm just projecting because of the whole Uggs thing.

7. Some Girls Just Get All The Attention

"What I found? Those girls are still there. The ones that, even as you grow up, will still be the most beautiful girls that you've ever seen close up."

-Josie "Grosie" Geller, “Never Been Kissed”

8. The Hotties With The Bodies Were All There

Isn't it hilarious that we thought the boys we knew in high school had "hot bodies?" MAJOR LOL there. They were squirmy JV-basketball one-time-not-virgins and we were talking about them like they were Gerard Butler. 

Anyway, look how sexy this ram with a six-pack is! What's your sign? Aries? Me too. Does that mean I can touch your biceps? Is it weird that I'm sexualizing a ram? Probably not because that's an actual fucking human, right? 

Also, do you think it's a coincidence that the team mascot in Never Been Kissed was the ram and this guy is dressed as one? Yes. It's 100% a stupid fucking coincidence, Maggie. Let it go. 

9. And Some Boys Are Always Gonna Be Bad To The Core

If angstily smoking while looking at pristine bridges doesn't remind you of high school, you were not an SF kid. Or you had the wherewithal to consider lung cancer (sorry to hear you were a big fat dweeb!).

Also, do you guys remember smoking Cloves? All of my older cousins tried to convince me to stop smoking them because "Cloves are disgusting" and I just remember thinking "sorry you guys aren't as complex as I am but I am going to be smoking these cinnamon sticks forever."

And look at me now — complex as ever at a Furry Convention! SUCK IT COUSINS.

10. No, seriously, you guys. This shit is so high school!

... right down to the straight jacket, you know? Remember how crazy that was?

Wait — did I say straight jacket? I meant halter tops. Remember how crazy halter tops were? Straight jackets are for crazy people and I was only crazy about halter tops back then lol #boys #NormalGirl #NormalGirlAtAFurryConvention

lol can't wait to spread the rumor to those bitches from picture #4 that Ceil wore a straight jacket in high school...

11. In The End, It's All About Friendship :)

Yep, this is an actual photo of Ceil and Maggie. Friendship still strong after 12 years. 

 

So, as an ending to this article, and, perhaps a beginning to a new chapter in my life, I, Josie Geller, will be at the state championship baseball game, where my friends, the Southglen Rams (with six packs!) are playing for the title. I will stand on the pitcher's mound for the five minutes prior to the first pitch. If this man accept my apology, I ask him to come kiss me, in front of everyone, for my first real kiss.

...Shit, that's Never Been Kissed again. Whatever, keep posted to see what else we learned, saw and heard at Anthrocon (and to see if Michael Vartan ever showed up to make out with us!)*

*Spoiler alert: he didn't.

Best quote heard that day:

"Do you kiss your mother with that beak?!"

 

Colors Of Palm Desert

Color 21, Color 29Maggie OwensComment
 Benjamin Moore offers an outdoor paint called "Palm Desert Tan" and it is seriously dead-on. 

Benjamin Moore offers an outdoor paint called "Palm Desert Tan" and it is seriously dead-on. 

In terms of colors, Palm Desert really needs to be seen to be believed. Imagine driving from the nearby town, Indio, which is a lone Walmart on a desert-strip of sandstorm to this man-made oasis. Your eyes actually have to ADJUST to how bright the colors are. Sure, there's this "palm desert tan" (as seen above) everywhere but bright, jewel-tone colors aggressively pop out in the contrast. 

Take the lawns, for example. California is in a drought. We heard from our gracious host (Maggie's godmother and real estate Queen of the Desert, Patti Rollins) that the country clubs are in talks to transition into more of a "desert landscape." This would mean more succulents and cacti and less manicured lawns and vibrant, multi-color flower gardens. 

But for now, the lawns are manicured (for real, though — it looks like each house single-handedly skinned the Grinch) and the flower gardens are stunning. Each pod of houses usually comes with its own sapphire-like pool. And, if that's not enough jewel-tones, it doesn't go unnoticed that everyone is actually wearing fucking jewels here, too. You go Palm Desert. 

 See how the colors just pop? It's kind of aggressive right? Like you kinda want to file a restraining order against the colors, right? 

See how the colors just pop? It's kind of aggressive right? Like you kinda want to file a restraining order against the colors, right?