Our journey to the eastern border of Wyoming was an arduous one. It took a full six hours across what Ceil called "Bleaksville, Nothingz County." (Please note: Ceil absolutely cracks herself up when she says this. Her game-changing jokes like this are what makes a six hour journey feel like only a five and three quarters one).
Why such a long journey? We were on our way to see Devil's Tower.
In the 11th hour, someone, I won't name names but it rhymes with Tessa, asked, "How long are we really going to look at a rock for?"
Outraged, Cecilia and Maggie quickly fired back at Rhymes-With-Tessa, saying things like "it's not about the destination; it's about the journey!" and "Live a little! When are you ever going to return to Bleaksville, Nothingz County?!"
We even told her that in addition to its being a total geological anomoly and a sacred ground for several planes tribes including the Dakota and Cheyenne, "this rock muthafucka is the muthafucking rock in 'Close Encounters of the Third Kind." None of us has actually seen this movie but, one day, Netflix might add it to its streaming catalog and that would be very, very important to us.
So we looked at the rock.
We really, really looked at it.
But somehow, Ceil ended up in a child's sized swimsuit and we ended up just taking pictures of ourselves per usual.
Because I (Maggie) made fun of Ceil's sense of humor earlier in this post, Ceil says I have to finish this by giving her a compliment and, according to her, "it can’t be how good I look in a child’s bathing suit." You know what I have to say? She's got the heart and courage of a lion.
First things first, the stones at Yellowstone aren't yellow. The whole park is named after the yellow limestone found more than 100 miles outside the park. As professional color bloggers, it's our professional opinion that this is, as we say, "fucking bullshit." (That's an industry term. Sorry if it gets confusing when we "talk shop." We'll try to keep it simple).
Upon finding out that no stones would be yellow, Maggie killed herself a couple of times and insisted we do a whole "Tuesday's With Morrie" schtick. She meant to say "Weekend At Bernie's" and was greatly confused when Ceil started speaking to her like the dying professor in Mitch Albom's novel.
We'd also like to mention that "Tuesdays With Morrie" is the worst book ever written or, in professional terminology, "emotional sewer swill." (There we go talking' shop again. Our bad!)
I guess there were some other pretty cool things to see in Yellowstone apart from fabled yellow limestone. Mostly, 3,468 square miles of pristine American beauty.
The geysers are perhaps Yellowstone’s most surprising and stunning feature. They appear prismatic and range from orange, yellow, green to blue. What creates their orange and green colors are living, pigmented microbes. The blue is refracted sunlight. The whole combination looks like Mother Nature’s mood ring (that bitch knows how to accessorize). It’s kind of amazing how many magic tricks nature has for you to see once you put down your shitty Mitch Albom novel!
One last gift from Moody Mother Nature? The bison. We were too Tumblr-obssessed / self-obsessed (same thing, no?) to come face to face with real bison at the bison ranch we paid to stay at so we thought we missed our chance entirely. Well look who we found:
On a personal Bucket-List level, this was phenomenol. On a color-blog level, this was a dull shitty brown (last time we speak so technically, I swear). Come on, Bison, do your part.
You know what we say to this bison?
“Accept who you are and revel in it”.
-From Snoozedays With Snorrie by Bitch Albom
A welcome spot of color in dusty West Texas.
We got an interview here too, but the woman was kind of a bitch.
You might have never heard of Alamogordo, New Mexico and (and I mean this truly, madly, deeply) that's okay. And it's okay if you forget its name the second you're done reading this post. Best to use that spot in your brain to remember more important things like where you put your wallet or the lyrics to Savage Garden's "Truly Madly Deeply." (If you need help with the latter, here's the video). But there are three things you need to know about Alamogordo.
1. It is the town outside of the White Sands National Monument, truly one of the most magical places we've been so far.
2. We fell madly in love with our motel here.
3. There is a Chili's right next door to this orange masterpiece of a motel. And this was Ceil's first — maaaaaaybe second — time at a Chili's ever (and probably Maggie's second time this month). Ceil ordered the tilapia and deeply regretted it. Fucking rookie.