PANTOMERICA

Seeking Color In The US

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Who Wore It Best? in Shenandoah National Park

Maggie OwensComment

Not everyone can pull off the bare-ass look in public, both fashion-wise and legally speaking.

But if this deer and Ceil know one thing between the two of them, its that when Noted Fashion Photographer Maggie "Nigel Barker" Owens wants to take a picture of your butt with a DSLR camera named R.Kelly*, you make it work!

*The fact that our road trip camera is nick-named R.Kelly, and the perverse nature of these photographs are purely coincidence.   

Blue In The Berkshires

Color 12, Color 37, Color 35, Color 42, Color 41Maggie Owens1 Comment

The Berkshires were so lovely, we had no choice but to give in to Mother Earth and go blueberry picking. 

HOW LUCKY CAN TWO GIRLS BE?

^^ I mean, look at that! Take a step back and really look at that. What splendid, splendid beauty can be found in something that just grows straight from the earth.

Who needs the big blue sea? Who needs purple mountain majesty? Who needs all that grandeur when you can find such striking beauty in such a small package? What a remarkable world we live in. 

... WAIT WTF WAS THAT?! WHERE DID THE CHARMING BLUEBERRIES GO?

Oh... phew. That's more like it. 

Isn't Mother Nature truly majestic? Even something as small as a blueberry holds, to its core, such fierce beauty. 

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FLAMING TURD IS THAT?!  

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S HAPPENING?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!

KILLLLLLLLLL ME. KILLLLLLLLLL ME. HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL AND JUST KILLLLLLLLLLLLL ME.

Sunrise in Rye, New Hampshire

Color 18, Color 9, Color 3Maggie Owens1 Comment

We're not really the type to see sunrises very often. Quite literally, our hometown has a neighborhood called the Sunset.*

*A big shout-out goes to Stonestown Galleria. We wouldn't be here without you. RIP Limited Too, Zutopia and the Croc's Kiosk. 

That being said, we're so lucky Maggie's cousin Annie invited us for a sunrise walk on the beach in Rye, New Hampshire.

She promised us there'd be a moment when the sands would reflect the sky and the whole world would feel orange. As you can see from the pictures below, she delivered on her promise. 

We promised her that, since it was 4:45am, we'd be cranky and wouldn't be able to form complete sentences. We, too, delivered on our promise. 

Hallowell, Maine

Color 36, Color 56, Color 11Maggie OwensComment
Now that's Maine. 

Now that's Maine. 

Merry Christmas from Hallowell, Maine in July.

Merry Christmas from Hallowell, Maine in July.

Hangover. (Please refer to our last post: http://www.pantomerica.com/blog/2016/1/3/red-white-blue-and-blackout)

Hangover. (Please refer to our last post: http://www.pantomerica.com/blog/2016/1/3/red-white-blue-and-blackout)

Suicide Joke. Too lazy to make it. Do it yourself. Look how much work we've done on this blog. Get off your couch. 

Suicide Joke. Too lazy to make it. Do it yourself. Look how much work we've done on this blog. Get off your couch. 

Butterfly Chris

Maggie OwensComment

Every year in Columbus, Ohio the Franklin Park Conservatory and Botanical Garden has an exhibit called "Blooms and Butterflies." Throughout the spring and summer, every afternoon they release newly emerged exotic butterflies into the botanical garden.  A butterfly expert introduces each new species to an audience.  

Seen at the Blooms And Butterflies exhibit

Seen at the Blooms And Butterflies exhibit

Don't get fooled by the name, Slick. There might be some blooms and there might be some butterflies but this ain't your grandma's botanical exhibit. Fuck your grandma. I went to her botanical exhibit last year and it was a load of shit. 

The main reason this exhibit was so much more badass than that of your cunt grandma was because of Mr. Butterfly Chris. Just look at this guy. He looks like the kind of guy you don't want to piss off at a bar cuz he'll beat your ass with a pool stick. But really he's the kind of guy who frolics arounds Ohio catching butterflies with a net. The kind of guy your grandma doesn't want to piss off because he makes a delightful high tea guest. 

Anyway, enough about your slut grandma, we were lucky enough to interview Butterfly Chris. 

Fave Color: Blue followed closely by pink for no reason

Fave Butterfly: None in here, believe it or not. There’s a group of small butterflies called hair streaks and they’re about the size of your thumbnail.

Their color scheme is orange and blue spotting. The most cool thing about them is their bizarre relationship with ants. Hair streak caterpillars become pupa (or, disgusting word warning, pupate) in ant hills and the ants protect them. But once it becomes an actual butterfly it has very little time before the ants turn on it. I think that’s cool. 

Seen at the Blooms And Butterflies exhibit

Seen at the Blooms And Butterflies exhibit

What’s your favorite color fact about butterflies: The relationship with butterflies and color is best exemplified through the idea of mimicry. Here we are a Pipeline Swallowtail butterfly and it is toxic. It’s neon blue at the edge of its wings. That’s how predators know not to eat it otherwise they will die. But, other edible butterflies what that same color scheme are also saved from predators. Birds learn not to eat that color scheme so color can literally save a butterfly’s life. 

It should be noted that we didn't make up the name Butterfly Chris. His friends (and probably your grandma) actually call him Butterfly Chris. Can you imagine being so into your job that it's actually a part of your name? Like "Mattress Salesman Randy Mancini" or "President Barack Obama." I guess that last one isn't that weird. 

"We're the weirdos, mister."

Maggie OwensComment

As the basic bitch Robert Louis Stevenson once said, "there are no foreign lands. it is the traveler only who’s foreign.” He then likely pinned a picture of a coconut bra to his Treasure Island Pinterest board. 

Oh but isn’t he right, though? About the ultimate punchline of traveling? People’s ways and customs might seem strange, but they’re not strange! We are only made strangers by distance and borders. Travel is the only true way to bridge that gap. Oh, how charmingly wondrous the world can be!

" Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others."    -Basic Bitch Robert Louis Stevenson, "Divine Secrets Of The Yaya Sisterhood"

"Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others."

-Basic Bitch Robert Louis Stevenson, "Divine Secrets Of The Yaya Sisterhood"

ceil across river.jpg
" We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend."    -Basic Bitch Robert Louis Stevenson, "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"

"We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend."

-Basic Bitch Robert Louis Stevenson, "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"

" A man cannot destroy the savage in him by denying its impulse. The only way tog et rid of a temptation is to yield to it.”    -Basic Bitch Robert Louis Stevenson, "Fifty Shades Trilogy"

"A man cannot destroy the savage in him by denying its impulse. The only way tog et rid of a temptation is to yield to it.” 

-Basic Bitch Robert Louis Stevenson, "Fifty Shades Trilogy"

… Unless you get so bored in Boulder that you put on a trash bag, draw a tic-tac-toe board on your face and block bicyclists from enjoying their normal bike path. Then, yah, you’re weird and even the welcoming hippies of Boulder will shout at you something along the lines of “move, bitch, get out the way.” 

TL;DR: Robert Louis Stevenson is one basic fucking bitch and all people from Boulder are Ludacris.

"Two Basic Bitches" or "Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde"  -Originally conceived by Basic Bitch Robert Louis Stevenson

"Two Basic Bitches" or "Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde"

-Originally conceived by Basic Bitch Robert Louis Stevenson

Cruisin' With Carl

Color 31, Color 17, Color 19, Color 58Maggie OwensComment

We stayed with Carl for a couple days and he took us on a personal tour of the area.  We went on an amazing hike that over looked the river.  We walked through an array of native flora including wild New Mexico sage.  

We thought it would be a great idea to pick a bundle for a sage burning ceremony to purify our car (aka our home for the next 6 months).  Insider's tip: apparently the upholstery of the 2012 Volkswagen Jetta is not fire proof.  

IMG_1397.jpg

Tess whipped out her phone to take picture of the scenery and Carl was quick to tease her about the constant need to look at the world through a lens.

Meanwhile, Maggie was hiding in a bush with her phone taking pictures of Carl looking badass in his bandana.

There was a small bench at the peak where we stopped let Carl “take it all in” and “really feel the beauty of nature” while the three of us pretended like we also knew how to “take it all in” and “really feel the beauty of nature."

 

Also part of the Carl tour of New Mexico included driving us out to an eery abandoned house (so we could take pictures for the Tumblrs we’re too old to have.  Don’t worry, Carl says you’re never too old to share artsy pictures on the internet with the hopes of impressing teenagers online.)  

Next we stopped at what I can best describe as a hippie wasteland.  It was basically an enormous tract of land dotted with broken down Volkswagen buses owned by white people with dreadlocks.  Nobody seemed to be doing much, or paying taxes.  We mostly just drove around listening to Carl making fun of them for being to lazy to build a real house.  Real houses have dragons. 

We also got a chance to visit the famous Earth Ships outside Taos.  These building have become a cultural and environmental phenomenon.  They are incredibly sustainable solar houses that are made out of old tires and bottles.  They are modern and beautiful and they even recycle water to grow food.  Seeing them in person was pretty spectacular.  

After listening to a short video in the visitors office about all the diverse and functional properties of the Earth Ships, we walked around and listened to Carl talk about how poorly structured they were.  To be fair, there were no dragons. 

Last we went to a spectacular river gorge with one of the most amazing views we’ve ever seen.  No comments form Carl about the structural quality of the bridge. 

Full Moon. White Sands. Can't Lose.

Color 42, Color 37, Color 58, Color 40Maggie OwensComment

The White Sands of New Mexico is a vast stretch of pristine dunes protected by the National Parks Service in Otero County.  On full moon nights they keep the park open until midnight and just let visitors roam free across miles of empty white space under the lit up New Mexico sky.  I know, it’s crazy that people don’t talk about this more.  You drive your car out there, park it, then take your shoes off and just go wherever you want.  

And as if the setting wasn’t surreal enough, there’s a Mariachi band playing some where in the distance.  

Tons of locals come out for the event, but with so much open space it was difficult to not feel alone out there, traipsing around the desert waiting for the sun to set. 

Just before midnight, with the full moon high, and the guitarrón strumming dreamily in the background, we felt moved to open our hearts to each other, to lie in the sand and have one of those heart-wrenching moments that great friendships are made of.  However, after three weeks in the car alone together, we realized we have absolutely nothing to say to each other. I do believe the phrase “shut the fuck up — I can’t hear the Mariachi” was uttered. 

Here’s to hoping we find something to talk about in the next five and a half months together!!!!!!!!!!

Grand Canyon

Color 6, Color 49, Color 14, Color 10, Color 9Maggie OwensComment

So we took Pug-A-Boo to the cutest dog park in Arizona. The locals call it the grand canyon (probably because it’s such a grand place to walk your balloon pug!). 

It’s a weird feeling when you’re writing a blog but you still can hear no one laughing at your own jokes. Fine, douchebags, it’s the Grand Canyon and, while we’re on the subject, pets technically aren’t allowed. (But we brought Pug-A-Boo anyway).

This place is friction’ crazy. People should really talk about it. 

Well, at least Jorbi P. is talking about it. 

Well, at least Jorbi P. is talking about it. 

Anyways, as you can imagine, the colors here are bonkers. Ceil would like to note that “they rock.” Get it, because of the rocks? Maggie would like to note that she’s going to effing kill herself. Get it, because of the rock joke Ceil made? 

With so many different layers deep within the canyon, and so many different shadows depending on the time of day, there’s no real limit to the colors you’ll find here.

The most striking, and famous, is a level called the Redwall Limestone. It’s what gives the grand canyon its notorious orange-red color because of the iron-oxide in the sediment. Iron is behind a lot of things that are famous for being red. 

PS: if god poops in the grand canyon, do we call it the Iron Throne? Let’s move on. 

PS: if god poops in the grand canyon, do we call it the Iron Throne? Let’s move on. 

We actually hiked pretty far down into the canyon. We wanted to see the color gradation for ourselves. We got pretty far and it was spectacular. BUT THEN an old, old man (think Jafar’s disguise in the beginning of Aladdin) who “volunteers” for the park told us we had “probably gone too far and it was too late in the day and we better turn around.” No joke, guys, it was like 2:30 in the afternoon. This guy was batshit. But he got into our heads and we turned around before we had planned to. 

Later, when we returned to the top, we spoke to a ranger who told us there hadn’t been any volunteers in the canyon since 1948. My bones went as ice-cold as the Colorado River. Pretty eerie, right?!

Okay, another bad joke that no one’s laughing at. The volunteer did really exist. But, honestly, that’s how old he was. 

Look at the other asshole we met on the trail: 

And, for a bonus, here’s another pic of Pug-A-Boo.