PANTOMERICA

Seeking Color In The US

South Dakota

Sculpture Artist Wayne Porter

Maggie OwensComment

Name: Wayne Porter

Profession: Artist.  Wayne is a self-taught sculpture artist who works with mostly recycled materials.  He makes both small-scale and large-scale sculptures, some getting up to 60 feet tall.  

Hometown: Montrose, South Dakota

About His Studio: Wayne’s property in rural South Dakota is now a much visited sculpture park featuring all of his work. Pieces of his that range from a giant, red dragon to a demonic Jack-In-The-Box clown tower over highway 14.

It’s clear Wayne loves living in South Dakota. He was as enthusiastic and excited to show off some of the flora that grew on his property (like bluegrass and sage) as he was showing us a, say, 8 foot statue of a frog dissection. In fact, he gets some complaints from his neighbors about how he doesn’t cut the grass. “Really weird,” he explained. “I love the grass.”

Wayne also lives with his albino dog, Bambino.  

How did you get started with sculpture?:  “I grew up in a blacksmith shop,” he explains.  Wayne’s dad was a blacksmith in St. Lawrence, South Dakota.  His first experiment with sculpture design was a small bull, which he still has on the desk in his shop. It’s funny to think years later, he’d own his own studio / property with a 60 foot bull’s head he crafted himself. 

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What is your process?:  Despite the fact that Wayne’s sculptures are often life size or larger, he works with no preconceived plans.  He says that he pretty much just flies by the seat of his pants.  “I can’t draw them first ‘cause I can’t draw.  Can’t even write the idea down ‘cause I can’t read my own handwriting. I just have to go for it.”  

On the topic of inspiration, Wayne added “It comes to me at two in the morning and I just let it talk.” This wouldn’t be the last time Wayne anthropomorphized his art by a long shot. Frankly, if you were creating gargantuan figures of flies and goldfish toting umbrellas, you probably would too. 

Porter says cartoons are a big inspiration for his art. 

Porter says cartoons are a big inspiration for his art. 

What kind of materials do you use?: Wayne uses everything he can find, including but not limited to old refrigerator parts, cement mixers, soft water tanks, diesel tanks, car rims, and old station wagon parts.  

Porter says he doesn't understand why people constantly compare his work to that of Tim Burton's or say it is macabre. He just doesn't find what he does all that creepy. 

Porter says he doesn't understand why people constantly compare his work to that of Tim Burton's or say it is macabre. He just doesn't find what he does all that creepy. 

“When I was younger I used a lot more recycled materials ‘cause I was working faster.  I would take anything I could find and just start making something with it.”  In recent years, Wayne has has taken a slower approach.  He spent three years working on the bull's head alone. 

Favorite Color:  Red.  “i don’t know anything about color or art,” he insists.  “But like anyone, if I like it I like it.  I’ll completely change the colors on a sculpture if I decide I don’t like it.”  Red shows up a lot in Wayne’s process. “Rust is the disease of iron,” he says. And if he likes it, he likes it. 

What colors remind you of Montrose?:  He says that the spectrum of natural colors in the area has changed a lot since he settled on his property 15 years ago.  “It’’s hard to find colors here now.  The county is disappearing.  It used to be 1000 people, now theres 3,900.” 

"Steinbeck said 'you'd be proud of anything if it's all you have," Wayne told us. 

"Steinbeck said 'you'd be proud of anything if it's all you have," Wayne told us. 

Hobo Nickel Archie

Maggie Owens1 Comment

Name: Archie 

Profession: President of the Official Hobo Nickel Society

Hometown: Somewhere in Florida though he travels around in his van, teaching the country about hobo nickels. 

Example Of A Modern Twist: Archie knew one young woman who carved the buffalo on the coin into a buffalo stripper, including its very own stripper pole and heels.

How Did You Get Involved With Hobo Nickels: "My dad started me in Hobos back in 1994 and it was a great 20 years and still will be a great future.

Your Greatest Moment With Hobo Nickels: He sold one hobo nickel for 24,000. 

What Is Your Favorite Color: We’re gonna have to do a direct quote on this one because otherwise you won’t believe us. "My favorite color is whatever croc i have on my right foot and whatever different  color i have on left. It makes people smile and talk.” We can’t make this shit up.

Bonus Fact: We won’t mention the specific carrier but Archie’s online handle is HoboChief69. Again, can’t make this shit up. 


Bad Blood National Park

Color 9, Color 10, Color 48, Color 16, Color 50, Color 6Maggie OwensComment

We were in the most beautiful place in South Dakota: The Badlands National Park.  It was stunning. Everything was cloaked in a soft yellow light. Deer were prancing around. Honest to God, it was a God-Damn Lana Del Rey music video. Honestly to Lana Del Rey, it was godly. It was hard to take our eyes off of it. 

THANK GOD / LANA DEL REY CUZ WE SURE AS SHIT WEREN'T GONNA LOOK AT EACH OTHER. 

...See, none of us remembers why now but we were all in a fight. Tess vs. Maggie, Maggie vs. Ceil, Ceil vs. Tess. It came to a fever pitch when we shared an appetizer trio at the local bar right outside the park. 

We pretty much ate our microwaved appetizers in silence and, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a T.G.I. Friday's commercial, but that is no fucking way to eat appetizers. Do you know how awful it is to bite into a mozzarella stick that still is frozen in the center and have to silently chew it because you’re friends  are being equally as icy?! IT’S TORTURE!

We got back to the camp just in time for the most beautiful sunset we've ever seen.

Jesus! Pop a Midol, Mother Nature! I'm trying to be passive aggressive towards my friends which is really hard to do with such aggressive beauty in my face.

"Hell is other people," she thought. "Hell is other people and uncooked mozzarella sticks."

"Hell is other people," she thought. "Hell is other people and uncooked mozzarella sticks."

"I'm a sad girl / I'm a sad girl" - lyrics from the Lana Del Rey Song "Sad Girl"

"I'm a sad girl / I'm a sad girl" - lyrics from the Lana Del Rey Song "Sad Girl"

We ended up all separating. I won't say who did what exactly but one of us went for a hike, one of us ran off with some cute Israeli boys with man-buns to listen to music and drink whiskey and one of us wandered around looking for enough cell service to look up if there was an ACTUAL T.G.I Friday's around. (PS: if you're wandering around the Badlands and you see a mirage of a Friday's, is it technically called a CGI Friday's? Can someone get Michael Bay on this? He owes me one. He'll know what I'm talking about).

In all honesty, The Bad Blood National Park was so spectacular and vibrant, it's something everyone should see in their lifetime, no matter how stubborn and pig-headed their loved ones are. 

In the end, we all made up and THIS IS NOT A STOCK IMAGE I SWEAR.

Pickin' Up Dudes At The Presidential Wax Museum

Color 2, Color 52, Color 51Maggie Owens1 Comment

Fuck Mt. Rushmore. The place to go for all the hotties with actual bodies (forget stone floating heads) is the Presidential Wax Museum in Keystone, SD. That's where we went to go pick up some dudes to see about getting some presidential D. 

Tessa wasn't overly excited (or as overly excited as we were) and we could hear faint complaints about white, sexist imperialist history coming from her as we ran into the shop. We were all "History? What is his-story? Is he single? Did he ask about me?" (Insert your Millard Fill-More-Condoms joke here). 

It should be noted that Ceil, as we are writing this, thought Millard Fillmore's first name was Grover and she said "I don't know any of their names. I was too busy sucking dick in the locker room in high school." It should also be noted we went to an all-girls Catholic high school.

So while Tessa was grumbling in the gift shop, we cruised the strip to check out all of the executive hotties that the White House (1600 PEENsylvania, Washington DC) had to offer. 

Boxer or brief, commander in chief? The people need to know!

Wanna cuddle, Teddy Bear?

Sun's out, guns out. 

And, honestly, look at our competition. We got this in the bag:

Jackie looks like Josh Brolin had a baby with Josh Brolin. 

Dear future employers,   Maggie did not engage in this kind of activity. Especially not with Jimmy Carter.

Dear future employers, 

Maggie did not engage in this kind of activity. Especially not with Jimmy Carter.

Eh.. honestly, these guys were too stiff (but not in the good way), so we got bored and eventually it turned into this:

In conclusion, we should inform you that Tessa was, in fact, the only person to get a real human's phone number.

His name was Joey and, while we don't know what his favorite color is, we do know his favorite president is Warren G. Harding because he was a "mac-daddy." Here is photo proof:

Tess did it the old-fashioned "flirting" way. But, you know what we think? Well-behaved women rarely get to make out with history. 

Mt. Rushmore

Maggie OwensComment

Well, guys, we made it to Mt. Rushmore. It was a long hike to the top. Maggie complained the whole way.  Ceil ran the whole thing, carrying tess on her back.  It was all worth it because when we got to the crest we asked each president what their favorite color was.*

*this post was written by Ceil 

George Washington

Did you know George Washington's favorite shade of red is "Englishman's Blood" AKA "Black Pudding?"

George Washington also apparently liked green. 

Thomas Jefferson

77 people found this answer "helpful" which means 77 people should get off the internet, lose their virginities and apply for an internship at Pantomerica.com.

77 people found this answer "helpful" which means 77 people should get off the internet, lose their virginities and apply for an internship at Pantomerica.com.

Thomas Jefferson apparently adored the color blue, almost as much as he adored his own appearance. If you check out his portrait below, you'll see why:

He looks like Meryl Streep had a baby with Meryl Streep? Or maybe just a Caucasian troll doll? Either way, I'm DTF.

Apparently, so is this chick:

Though it is popular thought that Thomas Jefferson liked blue because of his eye color, this one random bitch believes his favorite colors were actually yellow and green because she forgets why. 

Abraham Lincoln

Acclaimed historian "MyGirl2000" confirms that Abraham Lincoln's favorite color was blue. 

MyGirl2000 also confirmed that Lincoln loved seafood and was male and not, in fact, Meryl Streep. 

Theodore Roosevelt

An actual shade of blue was named after Theodore Roosevelt's daughter Alice's favorite shade. 

The people have spoken! The Community has confirmed that Theodore Roosevelt's favorite color was DEFINITELY orange. Bully!

 

Hey Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln and Roosevelt! You know what the CORRECT answer was to the question? MERYL FUCKING STREEP DOES.

AND THAT'S AMERICA, BABY.