Here's a little rogybiv restrospective on our vibrant time spent in New England:
Maggie met some mick in New England and apparently our two person tent is now a three person tent.
One big happy family.
Hometown: Ashfield, Massachussetts
Originally from: A small town on the Mediterranean coast of Turkey. When she was ten she moved to Istanbul. College brought her to Pioneer Valley at age 18 and she's been here, more or less, ever since.
Profession: She worked in corporate business for 20 years but now has a small farm in Ashfield. She raises animals for meat and brings Turkish fare to the people of the Berkshires.
Favorite color: bright peacock blue.
Why: Because it's a very bright color without being a hot color. It's unexpected that way.
Colors in New England versus in Turkey: You'll notice that the colors of New England are white (like the houses), but also taupes and creams and a silvery green from the plants. The Mediterranean is much more bright, much more yellow, from the direct sunlight. When I get too much of one, I miss the other.
The Berkshires were so lovely, we had no choice but to give in to Mother Earth and go blueberry picking.
HOW LUCKY CAN TWO GIRLS BE?
^^ I mean, look at that! Take a step back and really look at that. What splendid, splendid beauty can be found in something that just grows straight from the earth.
Who needs the big blue sea? Who needs purple mountain majesty? Who needs all that grandeur when you can find such striking beauty in such a small package? What a remarkable world we live in.
... WAIT WTF WAS THAT?! WHERE DID THE CHARMING BLUEBERRIES GO?
Oh... phew. That's more like it.
Isn't Mother Nature truly majestic? Even something as small as a blueberry holds, to its core, such fierce beauty.
HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FLAMING TURD IS THAT?!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH WHAT'S GOING ON? WHAT'S HAPPENING?! WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?!
KILLLLLLLLLL ME. KILLLLLLLLLL ME. HAVE MERCY ON MY SOUL AND JUST KILLLLLLLLLLLLL ME.
New Hampshire might be the greatest tourist destination in the continental United States. If you’re an inexperienced traveller, it probably feels like there is just too much to see and do! How could anyone navigate the rollercoaster ride of sea shores, mountain peaks, colonial history and fall foliage that New Hampshire has to offer?
Well rest easy because we at Pantomerica have narrowed it all down into one concise and easy-to-navigate list of the top ten things to do in the Granite State. So whether you love shopping at Goodwill or hanging out at Aunt Diane’s house, we’ve got all your tourism needs covered. Just keep reading and try not to have too much fun!! (pro tip: you’re probably going to have too much fun) (pro pro tip: it will probably be when you get to Aunt Diane’s house)
1. The Goodwill On Lafayette Road In Portsmouth
Don’t be intimidated by this Goodwill because it’s in New Hampshire. It’s just like every other Goodwill, except its in New Hampshire! You will probably be asked to not take pictures inside (or maybe that was just us), but look how much fun we had in the parking lot with a not-so-new blow up cactus! No need to waste your time with Lake Winnipesaukee, theres a whole ocean’s worth of goodies to find here. (Seriously though reserve all flash photography for the parking lot) (Seriously seriously though the parking lot is great take lots of pictures)
2. Aunt Diane's House
Did you come to New Hampshire to see the splendid array of colors found in the fall foliage? Forget about it! Just go to Aunt Diane's house and see the splendid array of colors found in her home decorating skills. Trust us, we have a color blog.
So there you have it. Whether it's the Goodwill on Lafayette Road or Aunt Diane's house, be sure to take in everything New Hampshire has to offer!
We're not really the type to see sunrises very often. Quite literally, our hometown has a neighborhood called the Sunset.*
*A big shout-out goes to Stonestown Galleria. We wouldn't be here without you. RIP Limited Too, Zutopia and the Croc's Kiosk.
That being said, we're so lucky Maggie's cousin Annie invited us for a sunrise walk on the beach in Rye, New Hampshire.
She promised us there'd be a moment when the sands would reflect the sky and the whole world would feel orange. As you can see from the pictures below, she delivered on her promise.
We promised her that, since it was 4:45am, we'd be cranky and wouldn't be able to form complete sentences. We, too, delivered on our promise.
Sure, Amish country was beautiful and we had every intention to stop. But before we could get out of the car, Maggie’s phone went belly-up and died like a little bitch. This led to a lot of shouting, plenty of bargaining with God (Amish or not) and a lot of desperate, desperate Google searches.
When this Google search didn’t yield anything, we had to get creative.
Well, shit, this one didn’t yield anything either. You might be surprised to hear this but there are no Apple Genius Bars to be found in Amish Country. And, once Maggie realized this, she was depressed to find out there were no real bars either. Just how was she supposed to deal with her iPhone malfunction depression? By screaming something along the lines of “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE AND TO THE CLOSEST APPLE STORE, DAMMIT.” That's how.
And that was that. We decided we’d just have to come back to Amish Country in a couple of days once Maggie’s phone was fixed. What’s the point of being in Amish Country if you can’t Instagram it, right? (HATE THIS JOKE, MAKE SOMETHING BETTER CEIL)So we drove an additional four hours to the world-famous New Haven, Connecticut Apple Store. While we waited for those dumbasses from Yale to finish their appointments, we visited the Pez Museum in nearby Orange, Connecticut.
Here are some of the colors we found at this candy-colored oasis inside a bleak Connecticut office park.
ALSO DID YOU KNOW THAT THEY MAKE CHERRY COLA FLAVOR PEZ? ALSO ALSO, DID YOU KNOW THAT IF YOU EAT ABOUT 20 OF THEM OFF THE FLOOR WHERE SOME KID SPILLED THEM IT DOESN’T DULL YOUR DEPRESSION AT ALL?
Spread my ashes here.
Should they get in the ice cream,
call it "Cream-ation."
ps. you guys need to try the "Salted Caramel Blondie". While on our tour of the factory we witnessed a machinery malfunction and watched on while QUARTS upon QUARTS of this delicious flavor spilled out onto the floor. They screamed for ice cream.
Off the Kangamangus Highway in New Hampshire, we stumbled across the oldest continuously running general store in America, the Brick Store. There you can find old-fashioned fudge, New England maple syrup / maple-flavored candy and owner Mike Lusby's band's The Rocking Chair's newest album. Lusby is originally from Livermore, CA (SHOUT-OUT TO THE BEST OUTLETS IN THE BAY! NO OFFENSE GILROY. SORRY TO GET POLITICAL!).
A haiku from New Hampshire:
"This general store
had more stuff than George Custer
himself could muster"
Being the only National Park on the East Coast, Acadia in Maine is popular destination for family outings. The park is a beautiful coastal forest that is fun for both the old and young. That's why we decided to bring the whole gang out for this day trip, including the youngest member of our crew that had been lovingly stuffed in the trunk since out antiquing adventure. Meet baby:
In Ellsworth, ME, Cecilia, Matt (her boyfriend), Maggie and actor Channing Tatum (her boyfriend) decided to go antiquing at the Big Chicken Barn Books & Antiques. It was such a success, we thought we'd create a user-friendly guide on how to properly antique in Maine. Enjoy, guys!
Step 1. Spot The Difference Between "Crunk" And "Junk"
While NEITHER of these super awesome Beanie Babies actually qualifies as "junk," it is indisputable that Diana, the purple Beanie Baby, is, in industry terms, "crunker." How can you tell how crunk Diana is? She's a Princess Diana-inspired, limited-edition sexy young thing that is "hot to trot."
Now, that's another industry term — "hot to trot." Essentially, if you have any sexual feelings towards your antique, it is what we call "hot to trot." Remember: get consent.
Because she's so damn sexy, TYcollector.com has an on-going Counterfeit Alert for Diana. They commented, "Note: It is possible for a Princess itself to be authentic but to have a counterfeit/replacement ribbon and/or counterfeit swing tag." That brings us to our second point.
2. Know When Something Is Counterfeit
Fortunately for us we are experienced New England Antiquers and we know the difference between a crunk Diana and some junk Diarrhea.
3. Go Into The Antique Shop Knowing What You Want
Listen, not all that glitters is gold. Antiques can't all be flashy-flashy like this Jodie Foster biography. Sometimes, you know you're far more interested in an unauthorized biography of country singer Shania Twain. Sorry, Jody, to quote Twain, "that don't impress me much."
4. ...And What You're Willing To Do To Get It
To quote Shania again, "I'm Gonna Getcha Good!*"
*in reference to the unauthorized biography about herself
5. Last And Least, Have Fun!
I know, I know. Antiquing isn't all fun and games. But, besides that, it's all fun and games! Let your hair down, Channing Tatum. Stop screaming at me when I try to kiss you! It's not my fault you're so hot to trot.
Sorry, off-topic. Anyways, even though your antiques are fragile and expensive, that doesn't mean you can't take them out for a spin and show your new, crunk friends how to party (or, to quote Shania Twain, "party for two!")
From Maine, we sent our favorite rapper / Canadian telenovela star, Drake (or Aubrey Graham), love letters (or Aubrey-Grams). Here's what we came up with: