Seeking Color In The US


Skillin' It In Iowa

Maggie OwensComment

We visited Brandon, Iowa, home of the world's largest frying pan. I'd like to say we "stumbled upon" Brandon, Iowa, home of the world's largest frying pan, but Cecilia had seen this "national monument" (her words, not Maggie's) months before and made it OUR BEESWAX to be there. And, "by God's grace," we were (again, her words and her words alone). 

We should be honest with you since you are our devout readers (Rachel and Matt). As of 2015, the Brandon, Iowa Frying Pan clocks in at about the world's 2nd or 3rd largest. It's really not the world's largest any more. The largest is in Washington State. The one competing with Brandon, Iowa is somewhere in Delaware but, frankly, no one cares enough about it to measure them both and see which is larger. 

So, long story short, we visited the world's second, maaaaaybe third, largest frying pan and IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME. It may not be first in The Guinness Book Of Records but it's first in our book.

Who cares about the effing Guinness Book Of Records? Do they have a blog?! Hell no! Maybe? I dunno. Don't Google it! Bookz are dead but 15 feet cast-iron frying pans are forever. Here are some pics. 

A Poem About Frankie Muniz

Maggie OwensComment

If you're following our adventures in Iowa, you'll know that we recently discovered that Frankie Muniz's net worth is 40 million dollars. Here's what we think of that:

40 million? 40 million?!

Muniz is no normal civilian!

The middle is no longer where Malcolm is caught

‘less it be the middle of some big fat yacht!

That Big Fat Liar! That deviant!

Agent Cody Banks is counting every cent. 

Cody BANKS?! We should’ve guessed from the name —

the middle class is dying and Malcolm’s to blame.

Maggie OwensComment
"I like blue but I hate the blue house that's just down the street from here."

-Jane, who gives tours and works at the Grotto of the Redemption in West Bend, Iowa. This "blue house down the street" disgusted Jane so much that she readily gave us directions to go and see it ourselves. She thought it was that much of an eyesore and insult to her favorite color.  Judge for yourselves:

Tripping On IOWAska

Color 53, Color 52, Color 51, Color 36, Color 37, Color 34, Color 44, Color 43Maggie OwensComment

People said there's nothing to do in Iowa. They said it and we believed them. What idiots they all were. 

We stumbled across the Grotto of the Redemption in West Bend, Iowa. Some time in the early 1900's, Father Paul Dobberstein promised Jesus that if he survived pneumonia, he'd built a shrine made completely out of rocks, minerals and crystals. Spoiler alert: he survived (if you want to avoid spoilers, don't go on the internet, man).

He spent 42 years building the shrine and today it is the largest collection of precious stones found in one location. In fact, it is estimated to value $4 million dollars. To put that in perspective, that's more than Celebrity Apprentice's Omarosa and 30 Rock's Judah Friedlander have combined.

(Editor's Note: though 4 million dollars is quite a large sum, it's only a 10th of Frankie Muniz's net worth. I guess it should really be called "Malcolm In The 1 Percent," huh? What's happening to America's middle class, guys?! Open your eyes, America. Real Eyes Realize Real Lies).

With walls made out of agate, amethyst, azurite and more, we found nearly all 60 of our colors here. 

They said there would be nothing to do in Iowa. 

... What rocks were they smoking?