...do as the festival people do. Maybe we could feel the indie vibes coming form 50 miles away but something took over us and we decided to try to take a stab at the Coachella lifestyle (as pictured above). Here's what we came up with:
Urban Outfitter Spring/Summer 2015 vintage bubble wand $75.00
This power plant was so ethereal we just had to blow bubbles. JK. It was a total eye sore and the security guard watched us in disgust the entire time. Bonus pic: here's ZAC EFRON AND VANESSA HUDGENS blowing bubbles at Coachella.
Name: Debby Rico
Location: Niland, California
Occupation: Selling snow cones to overheated tourists in the Californian desert. She moved to the desert from Pamona, California ("to get away from our kids," says her husband Richard) and found herself incredibly bored. That's when she came up with the whole snow cone idea. "It's perfect so long as I don't sell anything that the general store across the street sells."
Favorite Color: Blue. It just always has been. But, even though she loves blue, her favorite snow cone flavor is not blue raspberry. It's actually a mysterious flavor called "Tiger's Blood" with a splash of pineapple right on top. It's also Richard's favorite flavor. In fact, he wants people to try it so badly, he offers just about everyone a bite from his personal snow cone (until Debby reminds him to "think of hygiene").
Check out the rest of our interviews (including Allyn, whose dog has self esteem issues) on our Interviews page!
I mean... umm... "that blue, though..."
This photo was taken at Salvation Mountain which is essentially an adobe-covered homage to Jesus built on top of a hill in the middle of the Californian Desert. What was once a little-known indie destination now attracts hipsters and families in Dodge Grand Caravans alike.
Our gracious host / Maggie's godmother / Queen of the Desert Patti Rollins begged us (BEGGED US!) not to visit the Salton Sea. Actually, in her words, she said "let's talk about how you're not really going to the Salton Sea." When we insisted on going, she then asked us not to smell bad upon our return. That's how intense this place is.
The Salton Sea was a failed resort area in the Californian desert. For a whole slew of reasons, the fish in the sea GOT DEAD and now the beaches are mostly crushed fish bones.
For real. See that glorious beach pictured above? See that exotic white sand? That's not white sand. That's pulverized fish carcasses. That's literally dead bodies. And it comes with the smell to boot.
In case you stepped into this beautiful bright banana cabana and forgot that you were not on the Riviera, there is a gently used pair of underwear lying on the floor next to you. That's the Salton Sea style.
In terms of colors, Palm Desert really needs to be seen to be believed. Imagine driving from the nearby town, Indio, which is a lone Walmart on a desert-strip of sandstorm to this man-made oasis. Your eyes actually have to ADJUST to how bright the colors are. Sure, there's this "palm desert tan" (as seen above) everywhere but bright, jewel-tone colors aggressively pop out in the contrast.
Take the lawns, for example. California is in a drought. We heard from our gracious host (Maggie's godmother and real estate Queen of the Desert, Patti Rollins) that the country clubs are in talks to transition into more of a "desert landscape." This would mean more succulents and cacti and less manicured lawns and vibrant, multi-color flower gardens.
But for now, the lawns are manicured (for real, though — it looks like each house single-handedly skinned the Grinch) and the flower gardens are stunning. Each pod of houses usually comes with its own sapphire-like pool. And, if that's not enough jewel-tones, it doesn't go unnoticed that everyone is actually wearing fucking jewels here, too. You go Palm Desert.
Last night in Joshua Tree was pretty traumatic. Needless to say, we didn't get much sleep. Maybe it was the sleep deprivation but the next couple of days in sunny Palm Desert got a little funky.
This is what people think of when they think of Palm Desert:
This is what OUR Palm Desert looked like:
Was it all just a mirage?
Are we idiots?
... So we kind of signed up for a night of camping in Joshua Tree knowing we had a 10 person tent and no instructions on how to assemble it.
(We actually went tent shopping a couple weeks before this trip and decided an eight-person tent would be our MAX but then we got this 10 person one for free so we decided just to roll with it). Turns out setting up a 16 foot tent with absolutely no guidance at all IS NOT as intuitive as it sounds.
This meant we had essentially signed up for a night of camping in Joshua Tree with NO tent. Some call it "sleeping under the stars." We thought of it more like "lying in the open desert trying for hours to google which kind of spiders kill you but not really having any reception."
It was an emotional night. Ceil cried into her veggie tamales. A lizard mounted Maggie, not in a sexual way, but kind of in a dominant prison way all the same. We survived.
We found color 31 in Joshua Tree!
This is a Cholla cactus, also known as a "teddy bear" cactus because, from certain angles, it looks snuggly. When the desert light shines on its razor-sharp thorns, it appears to be this cutesy pastel green-yellow. It essentially BEGS for you to reach out, touch it and feel its sharp, painful wrath. It's like if Paddington had a prison shank.
Pretty sneaky, cactus, but we're intelligent human beings. We're too evolved to fall for a dorky little cactus' game, right?
Wrong. Not only was Maggie's ankle attacked by these "snuggling" chollas, but this is the second time in her life that this has happened. The original attack occurred during a previous trip to Joshua Tree in 2011. (The park ranger was kind enough to remind her how "dumb it is" to try to grab a desert cactus).
What can we say? Color 31 is really pretty and nature can be a real douchebag.
Solvang, California is this mock-Danish little village off of Highway 101 that is too idyllic and pleasant to be real. It's kind of like Disneyland for adults (or, really, Disneyland for adults who don't love their children enough to actually take them to Disneyland).
We genuinely couldn't believe one place could be this cheerful and adorkable. Like, you know when Zooey Deschanel gets home, she sets down her half-asian ukulele and takes a huge dump, right? Because no one can be that pleasantly quirky 24/7?
Well, apparently Solvang can. We couldn't find one unnerving scene or sketchy corner in the whole damn Danish town. Apparently, the last time Denmark had any dark fun or gossip floating around Ophelia was found face-down in a river. Floating! Ophelia! Puns! Look Ma, we're quirky too!
Well, for two girls with a color blog we wear a lot of black. A teenaged girl behind the counter at a technicolor ice-cream parlor asked us if we were "drama kids." Because we weren't wearing pastels and we weren't smiling at strangers.
Yep, that's us. Just two goths with a color blog!!
Considering this is a color blog, we decided to go ahead and email a couple of “ostrich experts” about life through the eyes of ostriches. Specifically, we asked: “what colors can an ostrich see?” and “what do you think an ostrich’s favorite color would be?”
It’s been a full week since those emails were sent and NOT ONE DAMN OSTRICH EXPERT has responded. Are ornithologists the stuck up popular bitches at the lunch table of the science world? Are we nerds — too uncool to sit at this table at all? More updates on this later.
It might be too early in our blog (literally the first day of our trip) to express a vendetta but there are some bitchy ostrich experts out there who have some major explaining to do (I’M LOOKING AT YOU DR. ROSALINA OF MARYLAND UNIVERSITY).
The first impulsive stop on our trip: Solvang, California. We were driving 70 miles an hour down a country road when we passed by a sign with some ostriches on it that read "Feed These Bad Boys." Obviously, we came to a complete halt and risked death to turn into the ostrich farm. Because, if you know us, you know we love bad boys.
…That was a lie. I secretly check men’s credit scores and refuse to date anyone who has a number lower than 700. If he wears orthopedics, I’m in. He still jams with his A Cappella friends from college? MARRY ME ALREADY.
A little thing about ostriches: they’re evil. They’ll eat the food right out of your palms and then they’ll go ahead and eat your palms. They’ll leave just enough of you to limp off and warn the others. Let’s just say, if ostriches join the robots, come the revolution, we’re all screwed. Think the Occupy movement but with more plumage.
Oh wait. I forgot this was our color blog and not just my bird burn-book. We found color #36 all over the ostrich farm, from the picnic tables to the benches to the fences.
Blues like this are thought to have a "calming and tranquil effect" on the body. They probably chose to decorate the farm with such a calming blue to distract you from the fact that you’re so dumb and bored, you paid $5 to feed beasts that have a taste for human blood and will become your merciless overlords some day.
Bonus Fact: You're supposed to avoid blues when cooking and in the kitchen because blue is thought to boost metabolism and suppress appetites. That being said, the ostriches' hunger for human suffering and world domination was very much not suppressed by the blue paint.