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How To Antique In New England

Maggie Owens1 Comment

In Ellsworth, ME, Cecilia, Matt (her boyfriend), Maggie and actor Channing Tatum (her boyfriend) decided to go antiquing at the Big Chicken Barn Books & Antiques. It was such a success, we thought we'd create a user-friendly guide on how to properly antique in Maine. Enjoy, guys!

Step 1. Spot The Difference Between "Crunk" And "Junk"

While NEITHER of these super awesome Beanie Babies actually qualifies as "junk," it is indisputable that Diana, the purple Beanie Baby, is, in industry terms, "crunker." How can you tell how crunk Diana is? She's a Princess Diana-inspired, limited-edition sexy young thing that is "hot to trot."

Now, that's another industry term — "hot to trot." Essentially, if you have any sexual feelings towards your antique, it is what we call "hot to trot." Remember: get consent.

Because she's so damn sexy, TYcollector.com has an on-going Counterfeit Alert for Diana. They commented, "Note: It is possible for a Princess itself to be authentic but to have a counterfeit/replacement ribbon and/or counterfeit swing tag." That brings us to our second point.

 

2. Know When Something Is Counterfeit

Fortunately for us we are experienced New England Antiquers and we know the difference between a crunk Diana and some junk Diarrhea. 

 

3. Go Into The Antique Shop Knowing What You Want

Listen, not all that glitters is gold. Antiques can't all be flashy-flashy like this Jodie Foster biography. Sometimes, you know you're far more interested in an unauthorized biography of country singer Shania Twain. Sorry, Jody, to quote Twain, "that don't impress me much."

4. ...And What You're Willing To Do To Get It

To quote Shania again, "I'm Gonna Getcha Good!*"

*in reference to the unauthorized biography about herself

5. Last And Least, Have Fun!

I know, I know. Antiquing isn't all fun and games. But, besides that, it's all fun and games! Let your hair down, Channing Tatum. Stop screaming at me when I try to kiss you! It's not my fault you're so hot to trot. 

Sorry, off-topic. Anyways, even though your antiques are fragile and expensive, that doesn't mean you can't take them out for a spin and show your new, crunk friends how to party (or, to quote Shania Twain, "party for two!") 

Antiquing should make you happy and happy people are hot to trot!

Antiquing should make you happy and happy people are hot to trot!

Ooo, emo!

Ooo, emo!