PANTOMERICA

Seeking Color In The US

Bohemian Vagabond Christopher

Maggie OwensComment

When it comes to our interviews, some of them are organized ahead of time, and some of them just happen when an opportunity presents itself.  As part of our adventure through Truth or Consequences, we prearranged an interview with a Wiccan priest named Christopher after seeing his advertisement in a local arts quarterly. 

We called back and forth about schedules. He was pretty insistent that he had to make himself a sandwich but we could head over in about an hour (maybe an hour and fifteen minutes — he couldn’t be sure).  We exchanged phone numbers, we had a meeting place, and everything seemed to be all planned.  Yet when he answered his door in pantyhose, we quickly realized that this would be our least formulaic interview so far.  

He invited us into his cozy apartment where he lives with his two beloved cats.  We sat down at a table laid out with tarot cards, a crystal ball, and candles and began to ask him questions. 

Profession: Ordained Wiccan Clergy specializing in weddings, funerals, and home blessing.  

Favorite Color: Purple.  Purple has always been his favorite color.  It resonates with him because it is the color of “respect, regality, respectability.”

How Colors Play Into His Profession: Christopher went into precise detail of the meanings of different colors in Wiccan culture.  

    Green is the color of growth.

    Red is the color of passion and victory.

    Pink is the color of love. 

    Orange is the color of sexuality. 

    Yellow is the color of sincerity.  

    Blue is the color of healing and legal issues. 

Christopher takes the meaning of these colors very seriously and has different colored candles to be lit for different occasions, depending on the need.  Perhaps if the Blue Man Group had taken these color meanings as seriously as Christopher does, they wouldn’t be facing legal issues (did you know a Novato man is actually suing the BMG because he got hit in the face with a blue ball? Oh? You’re not as up to date with the Blue Man Group as we are?  How about you light a green candle and grow the fuck up). 

Hometown: Christopher is a proud resident of T or C, and proudly told us that he will die here. His enthusiasm for his home was infectious.  He insisted on showing us all of the amenities in his apartment.  He gushed about his kitchen faucet and had us feel for ourselves the hot mineral water that flowed without delay.  Cost for that glistening kitchen stream?  Included.  Cable?  Included.  Electricity?  Included! All the amenities one could need! Get them right here in T or C!  

The mineral water that runs through the town has a visible affect on his appearance.  He demanded that we touch his hair.  Seriously, less than an hour after meeting us, he asked us to run our hands through his soft blonde locks.  And we did.  And we don’t regret it. And then felt his hands.  Equally as soft. 

About New Mexico: He described to us the orbs of light we would potentially see in the New Mexican desert and farther on into Texas. These orbs are one of many reasons Christopher feels a deep mystical connection to New Mexico and it provides so much “aaaaadventure.” (He had a very distinct way of saying the word adventure. It was very “Mufasa-in-the-clouds”).  

Feelings on Florida:  Don’t go.  If you do go, watch your shit and double-check your credit card statements. There’s a lot of fraud and identity theft there. He worked there for years, hated the vibe, but made a total killing. The fortune-telling business is good in Florida. 

The difference between a $500 and $5000 crystal ball? “Easy,” says Christopher. “A $500 crystal ball is made up from shards of crystal that has fallen from the chandelier and been swept up and formed together.  A $5000 crystal ball is one pure piece of crystal expertly carved into a perfect sphere.”  And you guys can bet your sorry asses that Christopher had a 5,000 dollar crystal ball. He doesn’t light a purple candle for nothing. Seriously, show some respect.

This is Christopher’s cat Big Daddy. He found him in the desert and the two have been inseparable since. One time, while they were traveling around in Christopher’s RV, Big Daddy jumped into another truck and started checking out the pedals. The truck-owner, who happened to be a fellow fortune teller, said that Big Daddy used to be a trucker in another lifetime. Christopher says this explains how content Big Daddy is in a car. They’ve traveled the country together.

This is Christopher’s cat Big Daddy. He found him in the desert and the two have been inseparable since. One time, while they were traveling around in Christopher’s RV, Big Daddy jumped into another truck and started checking out the pedals. The truck-owner, who happened to be a fellow fortune teller, said that Big Daddy used to be a trucker in another lifetime. Christopher says this explains how content Big Daddy is in a car. They’ve traveled the country together.

In conclusion, Christopher was one of the most gracious people we've met thus far on the trip and it was seriously awesome he invited us into his home. He also predicted that one of us would soon be traveling to China and the other would soon be opening a business. Neither of us really has plans to see China or do... business, but, then again, if Mufasa-In-The-Clouds tells you you're going to China, get your ass to China. 

"辛巴 --- 记得"

(That's "Simba --- Remember!" in Mandarin*).

*translated poorly