PANTOMERICA

Seeking Color In The US

Day 1 And We Already Have Enemies

Color 36Maggie OwensComment

The first impulsive stop on our trip: Solvang, California. We were driving 70 miles an hour down a country road when we passed by a sign with some ostriches on it that read "Feed These Bad Boys." Obviously, we came to a complete halt and risked death to turn into the ostrich farm. Because, if you know us, you know we love bad boys. 

…That was a lie. I secretly check men’s credit scores and refuse to date anyone who has a number lower than 700. If he wears orthopedics, I’m in. He still jams with his A Cappella friends from college? MARRY ME ALREADY.  

A little thing about ostriches: they’re evil. They’ll eat the food right out of your palms and then they’ll go ahead and eat your palms. They’ll leave just enough of you to limp off and warn the others. Let’s just say, if ostriches join the robots, come the revolution, we’re all screwed. Think the Occupy movement but with more plumage.

The sign says "We Like To Bite." 

The sign says "We Like To Bite." 

Oh wait. I forgot this was our color blog and not just my bird burn-book. We found color #36 all over the ostrich farm, from the picnic tables to the benches to the fences.

Blues like this are thought to have a "calming and tranquil effect" on the body. They probably chose to decorate the farm with such a calming blue to distract you from the fact that you’re so dumb and bored, you paid $5 to feed beasts that have a taste for human blood and will become your merciless overlords some day. 

Bonus Fact: You're supposed to avoid blues when cooking and in the kitchen because blue is thought to boost metabolism and suppress appetites. That being said, the ostriches' hunger for human suffering and world domination was very much not suppressed by the blue paint.