PANTOMERICA

Seeking Color In The US

Road Burn

Maggie OwensComment

What are two girls to do when they're in the car for 8 hours and they've listened to all of Rob Thomas' "new stuff?"

Should they talk to each other? Keep their eyes on the road? Listen to Rob Thomas' "not-so-new stuff?" Hell no. It's time to stop bickering at each other and turn on the other drivers of the road. We present to you, with pride, our 1-90 burn book!

Red and white car, little Ms. Candy Cane? More like Red, White and Bitch. Get a real job. 

Ooooo, cool apple sticker. What's your operating system, iSuck? Cuz you do. You suck. Go cry to the cloud about it. Get a real job, Steve Jobs. 

Where you going'? Get some real sleeves. 

Single white female. You look like my freshman year biology teacher Ms. Kendall. Are you my freshman year biology teacher Ms. Kendall? If not, take off those shades. You are no Ms. Kendall!

Who you texting, your parole officer, you fucking criminal? You're breaking the law! You're putting us, Ms. Kendall and Rob Thomas in danger! 

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Oooo, what do we have here? Look at you, Ms. Thing. Driving with both hands on the wheel. Ten and two, am I right? Shawty, you a TEN and we're the TWO single white females to your left. Va va voom.

... Not really a burn. 

This guy hasn't seen any road head since that mustache was in style. Burn, baby, burn. 

This guy's probably seen a little too much road head since that mustache was in style. 

Hey Rob Thomas! Your not-so-new stuff isn't as good as your new stuff! BURN!